Quote

The kids didn't call me Amy Schumer they called me Amy Jewmer. One summer, I'll never forget this, all the kids took turns throwing handfuls of pennies at me. I know, I was like, 'Excuse me - this is awesome!

Amy Schumer

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TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Forget
Handful
Turns
Awesome
Didn
Throwing
Kids
Excuse
Never
Summer
Like
Took
Handfuls
Called
Amy
Call
Pennies

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I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.
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I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.
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I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!
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Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?
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The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
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I just want to get the most money I can.
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To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.
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Stand-up is not something that you're good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got to shave a year off because I didn't have to get over stage fright.
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Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?
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I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
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I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can't imagine a time when I won't want to do that. But, who knows?
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I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations.
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I've never slept with anyone who could help me at all. No one. I wish I had. If anything, everyone I've had sex with has been a real step in the wrong direction.
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I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody's being evicted.
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The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
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I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wiseass, so I think the mixture of the two of them is my comedy. But, I am definitely the first comedian in my family.
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I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize.
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I call myself a comic.But I started as an actress. I did plays since I was 5.
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I've got a terrible person in me just as much as anybody else, and I think - I like to think I also have a really good person in me.
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