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My mom's always saying really smart things... like, you probably heard this one, 'Why buy the cow when the milk has HPV?' Wish I'd listened to that one.
Amy Schumer
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Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Probably
Heard
Wish
Listened
Really
Cows
Always
Milk
Things
Mom
Like
Smart
Saying
More quotes by Amy Schumer
I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize.
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My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.
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I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
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I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all.
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Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?
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I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.
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The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
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I'm still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started.
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I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.
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I am a hot-blooded fire and I am fearless.
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Stand-up is not something that you're good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got to shave a year off because I didn't have to get over stage fright.
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To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see.
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I have gotten death threats - that was scary. But it just made me want to use my voice more.
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I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
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The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
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I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations.
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Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
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I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!
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I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
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I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian, and people have so much aggression towards women. I don't really know where that comes from, but I feel a total responsibility, and I'm gonna do my part, to continue on the path that I'm on.
Amy Schumer
