Quote

I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.

Amy Schumer

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TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Like
Band
Probably
Guy
Idea
Thang
Thought
Homeless
Ideas
Accident
Made
Accidents
Really
Shoes

More quotes by Amy Schumer

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Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
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You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
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My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.
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I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.
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I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
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I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
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Very neat for a boy always cleaned up his mess, no matter where he got it on me. He's Hispanic, so he's like, 'Now who's the wetback?' I'm like, 'Hey, still you. Get back in the kitchen, those dishes aren't going to do themselves.
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I care about what the people I care about think about me. It's a short list, but I really care about what those people think.
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I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian, and people have so much aggression towards women. I don't really know where that comes from, but I feel a total responsibility, and I'm gonna do my part, to continue on the path that I'm on.
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I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations.
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Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
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I don't try to be feminist. I just am. It's innately inside me. I have no interest in trying to be the perfect feminist, but I do believe feminists are in good hands with me.
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I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all.
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I've never slept with anyone who could help me at all. No one. I wish I had. If anything, everyone I've had sex with has been a real step in the wrong direction.
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I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!
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Stand-up is not something that you're good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got to shave a year off because I didn't have to get over stage fright.
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I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.
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I'm still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started.
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I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard.
Amy Schumer