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I've got a terrible person in me just as much as anybody else, and I think - I like to think I also have a really good person in me.
Amy Schumer
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Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Thinking
Else
Like
Also
Persons
Person
Much
Really
Good
Anybody
Think
Terrible
More quotes by Amy Schumer
I have gotten death threats - that was scary. But it just made me want to use my voice more.
Amy Schumer
The girls I grew up with they're living normal, adult lives. So they call me now and they're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still react like, 'What are you going to do? I'll drive you, I guess.
Amy Schumer
Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly about that.
Amy Schumer
I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.
Amy Schumer
You shoot saltwater in your ass?
Amy Schumer
Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?
Amy Schumer
I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody's being evicted.
Amy Schumer
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
Amy Schumer
We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
Amy Schumer
I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.
Amy Schumer
Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?
Amy Schumer
My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.
Amy Schumer
Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
Amy Schumer
I completely identify as female, believe it or not.
Amy Schumer
The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
Amy Schumer
I don't try to be feminist. I just am. It's innately inside me. I have no interest in trying to be the perfect feminist, but I do believe feminists are in good hands with me.
Amy Schumer
I'm not sure I'd classify any topics as off-limits, but I don't look for new territories to offend. There's my joke about when my roommate beat cancer. People talk about cancer survivors like they're warriors, but from where I was sitting, she was just watching television and eating soup. Like, did she go to war? No. She kind of just sat around.
Amy Schumer
He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
Amy Schumer
I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
Amy Schumer
I am a hot-blooded fire and I am fearless.
Amy Schumer
