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Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly about that.

Amy Schumer

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Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Dresses
Allowed
Everyone
Anything
Matter
Feel
Strongly
Feels
Dress
Boundaries

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He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
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Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?
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I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
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Comedy isn't really something where you get discovered. You can't network your way to being funny or talented. It's not hard to get seen if you're funny. If you're funny, talented, and work hard, you will go somewhere.
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I've got a terrible person in me just as much as anybody else, and I think - I like to think I also have a really good person in me.
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I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can't imagine a time when I won't want to do that. But, who knows?
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I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.
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Whatever the joke is has to be funny, and not coming from a mean-spirited place. I think some things are totally off limits. If someone's spouse died, or one of their children, I would never joke about that in a Roast situation. I don't have any aspirations towards writing any cancer jokes, and there's some stuff that I think is definitely taboo.
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I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.
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You shoot saltwater in your ass?
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We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
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It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna!
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The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
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She's always bragging about the dumbest stuff. The other day she was telling me, she's like, 'You know I can still fit in my wedding dress.' I was like, 'Oh my god, who cares, right?' I mean it is weird that she's the same size now as she was when she was 8 months pregnant.
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The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
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I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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Every woman deals with sexism most every day of their lives. Growing up, it's just in your day-to-day. There are all these preconceived notions of what it means to be a woman or a girl, and straying from those ideas of femininity is sort of shocking to people. I felt angered by that as a kid. I felt like that was unjust. Like that was not right.
Amy Schumer
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Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
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I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you, and I thank you.
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You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
Amy Schumer