Quote

I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mother was extremely devoted to this notion.

Amy Schumer

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TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Mother
Devoted
Always
Extremely
Think
Attractive
Thinking
Thanks
World
Mom
Notion
Brought
Gorgeous
Girl
Fairly

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I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
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I care about what the people I care about think about me. It's a short list, but I really care about what those people think.
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My mom's always saying really smart things... like, you probably heard this one, 'Why buy the cow when the milk has HPV?' Wish I'd listened to that one.
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You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
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Stand-up is not something that you're good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got to shave a year off because I didn't have to get over stage fright.
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I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be.
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I was actually on two reality shows, which is crazy. Just to think that, out there, there was some guy, like flipping through the channels, being like, 'Hey, I 69'd her on a cruise ship.
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I have gotten death threats - that was scary. But it just made me want to use my voice more.
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You shoot saltwater in your ass?
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Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'
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I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.
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Whatever the joke is has to be funny, and not coming from a mean-spirited place. I think some things are totally off limits. If someone's spouse died, or one of their children, I would never joke about that in a Roast situation. I don't have any aspirations towards writing any cancer jokes, and there's some stuff that I think is definitely taboo.
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The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
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I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.
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My comedy is unapologetic and fearless. Like, sometimes you'll wind up having condomless sex with someone that you probably shouldn't. I'm interested in sharing that part of myself unapologetically so that other people will hopefully feel better.
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He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
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I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations.
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I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian, and people have so much aggression towards women. I don't really know where that comes from, but I feel a total responsibility, and I'm gonna do my part, to continue on the path that I'm on.
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Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?
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I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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