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I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mother was extremely devoted to this notion.
Amy Schumer
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Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
World
Mom
Notion
Brought
Gorgeous
Girl
Fairly
Mother
Devoted
Always
Extremely
Think
Attractive
Thinking
Thanks
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I'm still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started.
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Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
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I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!
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I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you, and I thank you.
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The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
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The kids didn't call me Amy Schumer they called me Amy Jewmer. One summer, I'll never forget this, all the kids took turns throwing handfuls of pennies at me. I know, I was like, 'Excuse me - this is awesome!
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I feel like you know what you're going to be good at when you're older based on what you like when you're younger. When I was younger my best friend was Tony, this kid Tony, and he loved rocks. He was always playing with rocks, counting them, and now he's a crack head.
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It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna!
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I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.
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I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all.
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I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
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I just want to get the most money I can.
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The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
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I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
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I have gotten death threats - that was scary. But it just made me want to use my voice more.
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My comedy is unapologetic and fearless. Like, sometimes you'll wind up having condomless sex with someone that you probably shouldn't. I'm interested in sharing that part of myself unapologetically so that other people will hopefully feel better.
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Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly about that.
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I've done some things I'm embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they're unsure about.
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I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian, and people have so much aggression towards women. I don't really know where that comes from, but I feel a total responsibility, and I'm gonna do my part, to continue on the path that I'm on.
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You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.
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