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I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard.

Amy Schumer

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Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Tend
Healthy
Pretty
Though
Hard
Work

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I don't try to be feminist. I just am. It's innately inside me. I have no interest in trying to be the perfect feminist, but I do believe feminists are in good hands with me.
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I'm not sure I'd classify any topics as off-limits, but I don't look for new territories to offend. There's my joke about when my roommate beat cancer. People talk about cancer survivors like they're warriors, but from where I was sitting, she was just watching television and eating soup. Like, did she go to war? No. She kind of just sat around.
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I am a hot-blooded fire and I am fearless.
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We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
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I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.
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The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
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The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
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I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
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I was actually on two reality shows, which is crazy. Just to think that, out there, there was some guy, like flipping through the channels, being like, 'Hey, I 69'd her on a cruise ship.
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Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
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I've never slept with anyone who could help me at all. No one. I wish I had. If anything, everyone I've had sex with has been a real step in the wrong direction.
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Comedy isn't really something where you get discovered. You can't network your way to being funny or talented. It's not hard to get seen if you're funny. If you're funny, talented, and work hard, you will go somewhere.
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I've done some things I'm embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they're unsure about.
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Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly about that.
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He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
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I completely identify as female, believe it or not.
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I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations.
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It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna!
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I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
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Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
Amy Schumer