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I've done some things I'm embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they're unsure about.

Amy Schumer

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TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Done
Feel
Feels
Unsure
Something
Embarrassed
Things
Alone
Like
Maybe
People
Less
Tell

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I care about what the people I care about think about me. It's a short list, but I really care about what those people think.
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My comedy is unapologetic and fearless. Like, sometimes you'll wind up having condomless sex with someone that you probably shouldn't. I'm interested in sharing that part of myself unapologetically so that other people will hopefully feel better.
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I completely identify as female, believe it or not.
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She's always bragging about the dumbest stuff. The other day she was telling me, she's like, 'You know I can still fit in my wedding dress.' I was like, 'Oh my god, who cares, right?' I mean it is weird that she's the same size now as she was when she was 8 months pregnant.
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I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.
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I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian, and people have so much aggression towards women. I don't really know where that comes from, but I feel a total responsibility, and I'm gonna do my part, to continue on the path that I'm on.
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I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
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I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.
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I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!
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Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
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We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
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I just want to get the most money I can.
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The truth is, whoever I've dated, if I've ever wanted to talk about them on stage, I've asked them first, and I've gotten their permission to tell a story or talk about them before I do it.
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He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
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I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mother was extremely devoted to this notion.
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I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody's being evicted.
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The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
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I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
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I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations.
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