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I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.
Amy Schumer
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Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Passed
Rivers
Mets
Went
Felt
Away
Part
Like
Joan
More quotes by Amy Schumer
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
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I may sound like a megalomaniac, but I feel like I'm equipped to become a great, memorable comedian, if I keep working my ass off and staying at the pace I'm at, and I feel a responsibility to do that because of the women who have done it before me, and the ones who need to do it after me.
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He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
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I care about what the people I care about think about me. It's a short list, but I really care about what those people think.
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I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
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I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
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I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody's being evicted.
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I feel like you know what you're going to be good at when you're older based on what you like when you're younger. When I was younger my best friend was Tony, this kid Tony, and he loved rocks. He was always playing with rocks, counting them, and now he's a crack head.
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I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.
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You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.
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Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly about that.
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My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wiseass, so I think the mixture of the two of them is my comedy. But, I am definitely the first comedian in my family.
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The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
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I completely identify as female, believe it or not.
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I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize.
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I hate false advertising, like 'Skittles: taste the rainbow.' No one's ever been like, 'Rainbow, right you guys?' Or what's Reese's? 'There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's.' Oh, really? Tell that to my uncle who used to put them in my underwear. Alright, maybe your uncles didn't love you.
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I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.
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I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.
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Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
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