Quote

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

Amy Schumer

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TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Inspirational
Happens
Ever
Nothing
Blackout
Good
Blackouts
Never
Woken
Like
Pilates
Funny

More quotes by Amy Schumer

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I've never slept with anyone who could help me at all. No one. I wish I had. If anything, everyone I've had sex with has been a real step in the wrong direction.
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I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be.
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It's a weird age. They're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still don't know whether to be like, 'Congratulations,' or 'Do you need a ride?
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The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
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I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize.
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Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
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I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.
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I am a hot-blooded fire and I am fearless.
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I feel like you know what you're going to be good at when you're older based on what you like when you're younger. When I was younger my best friend was Tony, this kid Tony, and he loved rocks. He was always playing with rocks, counting them, and now he's a crack head.
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I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
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I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.
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I just want to get the most money I can.
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I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see.
Amy Schumer
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My comedy is unapologetic and fearless. Like, sometimes you'll wind up having condomless sex with someone that you probably shouldn't. I'm interested in sharing that part of myself unapologetically so that other people will hopefully feel better.
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Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?
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I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations.
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I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can't imagine a time when I won't want to do that. But, who knows?
Amy Schumer
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I may sound like a megalomaniac, but I feel like I'm equipped to become a great, memorable comedian, if I keep working my ass off and staying at the pace I'm at, and I feel a responsibility to do that because of the women who have done it before me, and the ones who need to do it after me.
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My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.
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