Quote

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

Amy Schumer

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TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Good
Blackouts
Never
Woken
Like
Pilates
Funny
Inspirational
Happens
Ever
Nothing
Blackout

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Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up.
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Every woman deals with sexism most every day of their lives. Growing up, it's just in your day-to-day. There are all these preconceived notions of what it means to be a woman or a girl, and straying from those ideas of femininity is sort of shocking to people. I felt angered by that as a kid. I felt like that was unjust. Like that was not right.
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I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
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The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
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I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
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I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.
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Very neat for a boy always cleaned up his mess, no matter where he got it on me. He's Hispanic, so he's like, 'Now who's the wetback?' I'm like, 'Hey, still you. Get back in the kitchen, those dishes aren't going to do themselves.
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I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.
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My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You sparkle!' And I was like, 'I do!' You believe your parents.
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I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.
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He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
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I always did plays, I got the comedic roles in college ... or, uh, the ones that would get naked.
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I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
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We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
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I've done some things I'm embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they're unsure about.
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I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize.
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I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
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You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.
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The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
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