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I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.

Amy Schumer

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Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Determine
Inspiration
Story
Strong
Beautiful
Stories

More quotes by Amy Schumer

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My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.
Amy Schumer
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I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.
Amy Schumer
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Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?
Amy Schumer
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She's always bragging about the dumbest stuff. The other day she was telling me, she's like, 'You know I can still fit in my wedding dress.' I was like, 'Oh my god, who cares, right?' I mean it is weird that she's the same size now as she was when she was 8 months pregnant.
Amy Schumer
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The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
Amy Schumer
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I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.
Amy Schumer
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Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly about that.
Amy Schumer
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Song Sixteen Going on Seventeen is actually about syphilis.
Amy Schumer
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I always did plays, I got the comedic roles in college ... or, uh, the ones that would get naked.
Amy Schumer
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I just want to get the most money I can.
Amy Schumer
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I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
Amy Schumer
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I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.
Amy Schumer
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I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!
Amy Schumer
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I don't try to be feminist. I just am. It's innately inside me. I have no interest in trying to be the perfect feminist, but I do believe feminists are in good hands with me.
Amy Schumer
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I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.
Amy Schumer
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I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
Amy Schumer
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I'm not sure I'd classify any topics as off-limits, but I don't look for new territories to offend. There's my joke about when my roommate beat cancer. People talk about cancer survivors like they're warriors, but from where I was sitting, she was just watching television and eating soup. Like, did she go to war? No. She kind of just sat around.
Amy Schumer
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The truth is, whoever I've dated, if I've ever wanted to talk about them on stage, I've asked them first, and I've gotten their permission to tell a story or talk about them before I do it.
Amy Schumer
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I've done some things I'm embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they're unsure about.
Amy Schumer
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I have gotten death threats - that was scary. But it just made me want to use my voice more.
Amy Schumer