Quote

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.

Amy Schumer

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Racial
Drunk
Likes
Drinking
Nobody
Barbeque
Worst
Slur
Part
Slurs
Like
Wow

More quotes by Amy Schumer

Image
I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.
Amy Schumer
Image
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
Amy Schumer
Image
Whatever the joke is has to be funny, and not coming from a mean-spirited place. I think some things are totally off limits. If someone's spouse died, or one of their children, I would never joke about that in a Roast situation. I don't have any aspirations towards writing any cancer jokes, and there's some stuff that I think is definitely taboo.
Amy Schumer
Image
I only wear heels when it's 100-percent required, and even sometimes not then. I have to talk myself into a bra. I've done an hour of standup where I've been like, I don't have to wear a bra tonight. If you're going to be on camera, you have to get it together, but other than that, I am pretty lazy as a woman.
Amy Schumer
Image
I always did plays, I got the comedic roles in college ... or, uh, the ones that would get naked.
Amy Schumer
Image
I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!
Amy Schumer
Image
I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
Amy Schumer
Image
I'm still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started.
Amy Schumer
Image
I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
Amy Schumer
Image
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.
Amy Schumer
Image
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
Amy Schumer
Image
The girls I grew up with they're living normal, adult lives. So they call me now and they're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still react like, 'What are you going to do? I'll drive you, I guess.
Amy Schumer
Image
It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna!
Amy Schumer
Image
I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
Amy Schumer
Image
We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
Amy Schumer
Image
I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize.
Amy Schumer
Image
I've done some things I'm embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they're unsure about.
Amy Schumer
Image
The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
Amy Schumer
Image
You shoot saltwater in your ass?
Amy Schumer
Image
I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be.
Amy Schumer