Quote

I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody's being evicted.

Amy Schumer

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TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Haven
Evicted
Somebody
Wow
Actually
Loud
Two
Thank
Mean
Excuse
Much
Drinking
Havens
Exciting

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I always did plays, I got the comedic roles in college ... or, uh, the ones that would get naked.
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The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
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I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.
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I completely identify as female, believe it or not.
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Song Sixteen Going on Seventeen is actually about syphilis.
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I care about what the people I care about think about me. It's a short list, but I really care about what those people think.
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I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
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You know what they say: 'Once you go black, your parents don't talk to you anymore.
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The girls that I grew up with, and my friends and I, we just never had interests in common. I loved comedy. I loved Saturday Night Live, Gilda Radner, Lucille Ball, and Goldie Hawn movies. I just wanted to laugh. I liked women in comedy, and I liked male comics as I got a little older. My interests just never matched up with other girls'.
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To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.
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I hate false advertising, like 'Skittles: taste the rainbow.' No one's ever been like, 'Rainbow, right you guys?' Or what's Reese's? 'There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's.' Oh, really? Tell that to my uncle who used to put them in my underwear. Alright, maybe your uncles didn't love you.
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I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
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You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
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I'm still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started.
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I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
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I call myself a comic.But I started as an actress. I did plays since I was 5.
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