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Your job in life is to look after yourself and to find ways to get what you need - emotionally and otherwise - so that you live your best possible life, without being mired in anger and hurt over the past.

Amy Dickinson

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Amy Dickinson
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: November 6
Columnist
Freeville
New York
Look
Hurt
Without
Possible
Looks
Jobs
Need
Past
Mired
Needs
Women
Emotionally
Way
Best
Otherwise
Life
Find
Anger
Live
Ways

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The fullness of life is incubated in its messy places.
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Not every relationship can be altered to fit.
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Sometimes toxic people are so resistant to change that therapy does not really help them - but they send everybody else into therapy to find ways to cope.
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You must give and receive love only when doing so doesn't hurt others. That's the ethical path, and you should gain strength from walking it.
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If you turn the heat down on the relationship, she will soften, the tension will lessen, and she will eventually inch closer to you. Don't go in for the hug until you achieve a handshake.
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Bullies never want to acknowledge their own actions. They want to move through life without reflection or apology.
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Nags nag because they feel they aren't being heard.
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One of the benefits of being divorced is that you no longer need to listen to your ex's assessment of the appropriateness of your actions.
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[from a reader] I hope she learns to look for the joy in life instead of picking out negatives - it will change her life for the better.
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In the name of friendship you should make sure your door is always open to listen. Don't feel you need to provide unsolicited possible solutions, answers or even ideas. Listening without judgment and offering assistance when asked should be enough. That's friendship's high calling.
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When you're a single parent, you're often lonely, yet seldom alone. There is no backup ... It is mothering without a net.
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You should not propose marriage until you have resolved your feelings about your ex.
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You should not be hovering in the background, inflating the drama. Simply envelop him in love and affection and let him know that you will support his efforts, whatever they are.
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Being inclusive sometimes means being kind toward people whose views are repugnant. But you should only do so if it is physically and emotionally safe for you.
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Mature people must find their own ways to cope with their own temptations.
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If you've got a good book with you, you're never bored (or alone).
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You should do what you want, but I think you should also consider wanting something different.
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All promises are empty - until they are fulfilled.
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When you are criticizing someone, you should speak only to your own experience - not others'.
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If you feel guilty about not playing nice, then you could easily alleviate your guilt by playing nice.
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