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Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. I tried to find the balance between the strict, traditional Chinese way I was raised, which I think can be too harsh, and what I see as a tendency in the West to be too permissive and indulgent. If I could do it all again, I would, with some adjustments.

Amy Chua

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Amy Chua
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: October 26
Economist
Lawyer
Professor
University Teacher
Writer
Champaign
Illinois
Amy L. Chua
Way
Raised
Parenting
Would
West
Harsh
Think
Tried
Strict
Thinking
Balance
Tendency
Find
Tendencies
Permissive
Ever
Chinese
Adjustments
Done
Traditional
Indulgent
Thing
Hardest
Adjustment

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Instilling a sense of self-discipline and focus when the kids are younger makes it so much easier by the time they get into high school.
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To be honest, I know that a lot of Asian parents are secretly shocked and horrified by many aspects of Western parenting.
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The truth is I'm not good at enjoying life.
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Westerners often laud their children as 'talented' or 'gifted', while Asian parents highlight the importance of hard work. And in fact, research performed by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has found that the way parents offer approval affects the way children perform, even the way they feel about themselves.
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I'm a proud strict mom and, you know, I'm really proud of the two daughters I've raised. And I'm especially proud of my relationship with them. We're very close. I think we're good friends.
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There's something suspicious about saying, 'I'm just going to leave my child alone and let her pursue her passions.' You know what? I think most 13-year-olds' passion is sitting in front of the TV, or doing Facebook, or surfing the Internet for hours.
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Kids raised to be pampered and spoiled don't really end up being good leaders. Leaders need to be independent minded and confident.
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Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything.
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I sort of feel like people are not that honest about their own parenting. Take any teenage household tell me there is not yelling and conflict.
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You know, parenting is so personal. And we're all afraid that we didn't quite get it right. And it feels like the stakes are so high. By we - what if we made a mistake?
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What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. pg 29
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Don't assume your child is weak. If you, the parent, assume that they can't take anymore, what kind of signal are you sending them?
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A Western upbringing tends to stress questioning authority, which is always asking why, why, why.
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I say 'I love you' to my daughters every day.
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Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence rote repetition is underrated in America.
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Be modest, be humble, be simple.Make sure you come in first so that you have something to be humble about.
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I think the biggest difference is that I've noticed Western parents seem much more concerned about their children's psyches, their self-esteem, whereas tough immigrant parents assume strength rather than fragility in their children and therefore behave completely differently.
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I once won a second prize in a history concert. My parents came to the ceremony. Somebody else had won the prize for best all-around student. Afterwards my father said to me, 'Never, ever disgrace me like that again.' When I tell my Western friends, they are aghast. But I adore my father. It didn't knock my self-esteem at all.
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I do believe that when your child does poorly on a test, your first step should not necessarily be to attack the teacher or the school's curriculum. It should be to look at the idea that, maybe, the child didn't work hard enough.
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