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The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Instrument
Instruments
Musical
Worse
Two
Thing
Clarinet

More quotes by Ambrose Bierce

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GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
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Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
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Finance is the art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Ambrose Bierce
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OWE, v. To have (and to hold) a debt. The word formerly signified not indebtedness, but possession it meant own, and in the minds of debtors there is still a good deal of confusion between assets and liabilities.
Ambrose Bierce
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WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster an unexpected affliction that strikes hard.
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Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.
Ambrose Bierce
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You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest.
Ambrose Bierce
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WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.
Ambrose Bierce
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Ambrose Bierce
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Ambrose Bierce
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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.
Ambrose Bierce
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Ambrose Bierce
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LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg pate.
Ambrose Bierce
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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Ambrose Bierce
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art, n. This word has no definition.
Ambrose Bierce
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
Ambrose Bierce
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OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.
Ambrose Bierce