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INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Intellectual
Compound
Crime
Infection
Water
Facilitate
Used
Chiefly
Compounds
Villainous
Ink
Arabic
Promote
Gum
Iron
Idiocy

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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.
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RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
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POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.
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Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.
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Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.
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Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.
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ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.
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Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.
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While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
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A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.
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REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.
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ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
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Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
Ambrose Bierce