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If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Morrow
Country
Hypocrite
Every
Successfully
Canada
Legs
Warlike
Break
Hypocrites
United
Invaded
States

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Phoenix, n. The classical prototype of the modern 'small hot bird.'
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PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
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MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.
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PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make.
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EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.
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Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
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AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
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Take not God's name in vain select a time when it will have effect.
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A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
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MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.
Ambrose Bierce
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The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
Ambrose Bierce
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HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
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The best kind of onion soup is the simplest kind.
Ambrose Bierce
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INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
Ambrose Bierce
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Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.
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In theology, the state of a luckless mortal prenatally damned. The doctrine of reprobation was taught by Calvin, whose joy in it was somewhat marred by the sad sincerity of his conviction that although some are foredoomed to perdition, others are predestined to salvation.
Ambrose Bierce
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
Ambrose Bierce
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GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
Ambrose Bierce