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A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Exacted
Intestines
Violin
Revenge
Cat
Dead

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Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure
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Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
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Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
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ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.
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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.
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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
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SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent.
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MULTITUDE, n. A crowd the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman's adoration.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
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REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.
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Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.
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PIG, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
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PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.
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CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance - against whom or what does not clearly appear everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.
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ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.
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The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.
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