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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Every
Alligators
World
Crocodiles
Monarchy
Detail
Superior
Effete
Superiors
Monarchies
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Alligator
America
Crocodile

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LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.
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God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.
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PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
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Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.
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Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
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ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
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Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache.
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Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.
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HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
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LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he lost his election.
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URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, I beg your pardon, and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.
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In forgiving an injury be somewhat ceremonious, lest your magnanimity be construed as indifference.
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Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
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Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.
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TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect (Glossina morsitans) whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist (Mendax interminabilis).
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PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.
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PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.
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War: A by-product of the arts of peace.
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