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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
America
Crocodile
Every
Alligators
World
Crocodiles
Monarchy
Detail
Superior
Effete
Superiors
Monarchies
Details
Alligator

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PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
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diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
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There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives.
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Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire
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PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. A desiccated epigram.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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TRUST, n. In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies.
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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Noise: a stench in the ear.
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Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.
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EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.
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Convictions are variable to be always consistent is to be sometimes dishonest.
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