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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Superiors
Monarchies
Details
Alligator
America
Crocodile
Every
Alligators
World
Crocodiles
Monarchy
Detail
Superior
Effete

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A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about.
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Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.
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ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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LINEN, n. A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp.
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REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work upon a book, and so read out of it/ The qualities that you have first read into it.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.
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UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.
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MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman.
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IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.
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IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.
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ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . .
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Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.
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A lottery is a tax on stupidity.
Ambrose Bierce
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Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
Ambrose Bierce
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Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
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Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
Ambrose Bierce
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PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
Ambrose Bierce