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ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Incapacity
Eccentricity
Employ
Cheap
Fools
Distinction
Method
Fool
Accentuate

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Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.
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Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized.
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An archbishop is an ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
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A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.
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Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.
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RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries . .
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While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
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Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
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AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
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HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
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Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
Ambrose Bierce
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PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.
Ambrose Bierce
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TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
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COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own.
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EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.
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When publicly censured our first instinct is to make everybody a codefendant.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Ambrose Bierce