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Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
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Disposition
Bird
Whose
Taught
Talk
Someone
Magpie
Might
Magpies

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VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.
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PREFERENCE, n. A sentiment, or frame of mind, induced by the erroneous belief that one thing is better than another.
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A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go.
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INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. It has even been known to wear a moustache.
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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.
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LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.
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Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.
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ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
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PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] reading character in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word dupe.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
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