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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Functions
Humour
Perform
Function
Science
Successively
Successfully
More quotes by Ambrose Bierce
Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
Ambrose Bierce
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
Ambrose Bierce
POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.
Ambrose Bierce
The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.
Ambrose Bierce
Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
Ambrose Bierce
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.
Ambrose Bierce
Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.
Ambrose Bierce
Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
Ambrose Bierce
INDISCRETION, n. The guilt of woman.
Ambrose Bierce
CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.
Ambrose Bierce
PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
Ambrose Bierce
EFFECT, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other-which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog.
Ambrose Bierce
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion in Constantinople, one who does.
Ambrose Bierce
INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.
Ambrose Bierce
NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
Ambrose Bierce
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
Ambrose Bierce
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Ambrose Bierce
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
Ambrose Bierce
In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
Ambrose Bierce
repose, v.i. To cease from troubling.
Ambrose Bierce