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ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
Ambrose Bierce
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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Ladies
Humour
Affected
Turn
Arsenic
Turns
Cosmetic
Science
Cosmetics
Kind
Greatly
Affects
More quotes by Ambrose Bierce
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
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INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.
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MONAD, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter (see Molecule). The monad has body without bulk, and mind without manifestation - containing all the powers and possibilities needful to his evolution into a German philosopher . .
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
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RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries . .
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MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.
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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
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Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.
Ambrose Bierce
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Ambrose Bierce
INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
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Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire
Ambrose Bierce
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.
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Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.
Ambrose Bierce
Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages, of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered.
Ambrose Bierce
TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.
Ambrose Bierce
A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.
Ambrose Bierce
A penny saved is a penny to squander.
Ambrose Bierce