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ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Proof
Straws
Dead
Ingenious
Politics
Abstraction
President
Kicks
Men
Designed
Dues
Cuffs
Receive
Premier
Administration
Straw

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Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
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gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.
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The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.
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CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. What! said one of his disciples, you weep at the death of an enemy? Ah, 'tis true, replied the great Stoic but you should see me smile at the death of a friend..
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Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.
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SAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.
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RICH, adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the luckless.
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Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.
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Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
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Evolutionary biology is genuinely scientific, but more than that it opens the door to a world more marvellous than any Christian fundamentalist has ever read into the pages of the Bible.
Ambrose Bierce
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CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.
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To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Happiness has not to all the same name: to Youth she is known as the Future Age knows her as the Dream.
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MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.
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PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence an attribute of the critic.
Ambrose Bierce