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RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Passages
Inhabitant
Nose
Filter
Noses
Apparatus
Visible
Fitted
Mouth
Filters
London
Whereby
Mouths
Passage
Universe
Lungs

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RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.
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CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance - against whom or what does not clearly appear everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.
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Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
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Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
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PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance... The Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one - the knowledge and the dream.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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repose, v.i. To cease from troubling.
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RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.
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Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
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Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
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PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.
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Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
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TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.
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SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians.
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MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.
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PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
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LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.
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MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.
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DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
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EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.
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