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RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Passages
Inhabitant
Nose
Filter
Noses
Apparatus
Visible
Fitted
Mouth
Filters
London
Whereby
Mouths
Passage
Universe
Lungs

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An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor.
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The wife, or bitter half.
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The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
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Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable as, the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur..
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CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do me?
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SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.
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MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.
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UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
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WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous occasions as, the wrath of God, the day of wrath, etc. . . .
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KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a crowned head, although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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EFFECT, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other-which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog.
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NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.
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I think I think, therefore I think I am.
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Scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Immoral is the judgment of the stalled ox on the gamboling lamb.
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