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Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Names
Rheumatism
Gout
Physician
Physicians
Patient
Name
Rich

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MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.
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PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death.
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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
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ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
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PREDESTINATION, n. The doctrine that all things occur according to programme. . . . not be confused with that of foreordination. The difference is great enough to have deluged Christendom with ink, to say nothing of the gore.
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A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.
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MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.
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COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.
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MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.
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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
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An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
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CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance - against whom or what does not clearly appear everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.
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LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.
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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.
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ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
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PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians - who are Hogmies.
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INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.
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REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.
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