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Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Physician
Physicians
Patient
Name
Rich
Names
Rheumatism
Gout

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PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.
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REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction.
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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples.
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The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to add another's advantages or possessions to your own you are permitted only to wish to be another.
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Human nature is pretty well balanced for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch--as cunning is the wisdom of the unwise, and ferocity the courage of the coward.
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TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.
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Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.
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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.
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Hope is desire and expectation rolled into one.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.
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FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London
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Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure
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ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgment of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.
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