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PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Purpose
Serves
Trunk
Science
Knives
Fork
Place
Organs
Trunks
Purposes
Forks
Denied
Elephant
Evolution
Organ
Humor
Knife
Popularly
Called
Elephants
Rudimentary

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Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.
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Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
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Justice is a commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
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YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown.
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When you doubt, abstain.
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Damning, with bell, book and candle / Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal. / A rite permitting Satan to enslave him / Forever, and forbidding Christ to save him.
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LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.
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To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.
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Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
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Happiness is lost by criticizing it sorrow by accepting it.
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Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.
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Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
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