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LICKSPITTLE, n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper . . . the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the latter is frequently found as an independent species.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Independent
Frequently
Found
Latter
Another
Newspapers
Useful
Independence
Functionary
Although
Infrequently
Species
Newspaper
Aspect
Editing

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alone, adj. In bad company.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.
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MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.
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ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.
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ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.
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PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.
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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.
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OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.
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NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
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NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.
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In forgiving an injury be somewhat ceremonious, lest your magnanimity be construed as indifference.
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PLENIPOTENTIARY, adj. Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it.
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According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.
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