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PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Pockets
Dupe
Consists
Dupes
Science
Exploiting
Organ
Picking
Pocket
Locating
Organs
Phrenology
Humour
Scalp

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HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.
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ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.
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Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.
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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.
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TRUCE, n. Friendship.
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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.
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PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.
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repose, v.i. To cease from troubling.
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DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.
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PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.
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Brain, v. [as in to brain]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly to dispel a source of error in an opponent.
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YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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