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Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Fool
Wise
Form
Pun
Men
Stoop
Stoops
Aspire
Fools
Wit

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Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
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At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.
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WINE, n.Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as liquor, sometimes as rum. Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.
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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.
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ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
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The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
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Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
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Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.
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According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.
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EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.
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A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit it spreads out education sufficiently thin to give everyone enough to make him a more competent fool than he would have been without it.
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While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
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Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Ambrose Bierce
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KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.
Ambrose Bierce