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GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Humour
Machine
Shoulders
Machines
Science
Frenchman
Makes
Guillotine
Reason
Shrug
Good
Frenchmen

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MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language.
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ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.
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PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.
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Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.
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SEINE, n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with small, cut stones.
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The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.
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One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.
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GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
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If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
Ambrose Bierce
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Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
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Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.
Ambrose Bierce
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INDISCRETION, n. The guilt of woman.
Ambrose Bierce
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PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. A desiccated epigram.
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