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OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Bird
Defects
Large
Pair
Ingeniously
Sin
Toes
Ostrich
Working
Pairs
Ostriches
Nature
Denied
Doubtless
Doe
Sins
Defect
Good
Absence
Hinder
Wings
Pointed

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Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.
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WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.
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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.
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Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure
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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
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MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.
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MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women.
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ENVY, n. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.
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To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
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ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
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ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
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SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.
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CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.
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