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OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Sin
Toes
Ostrich
Working
Pairs
Ostriches
Nature
Denied
Doubtless
Doe
Sins
Defect
Good
Absence
Hinder
Wings
Pointed
Bird
Defects
Large
Pair
Ingeniously

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MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul in woman, the outlet of the heart.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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aim, n. The task we set our wishes to.
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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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Strive not for singularity in dress Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth while, But be in mind a little out of style.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.
Ambrose Bierce
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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.
Ambrose Bierce
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PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
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RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
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You can effect a change of robbers every four years. Inestimable privilege - to pull off the glutted leech and attach the lean one! And you can not even choose among the lean leeches, but must accept those designated by the programmers and showmen who have the reptiles on tap!
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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
Ambrose Bierce
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Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Ambrose Bierce
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EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.
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You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
Ambrose Bierce
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PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
Ambrose Bierce
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Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
Ambrose Bierce
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Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
Ambrose Bierce
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PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument as, He presided at the piccolo.
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The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
Ambrose Bierce