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PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] reading character in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word dupe.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Hand
Plainly
Word
Obtaining
Reading
Wrinkles
Palmistry
Money
Spell
Pretences
Hands
Altogether
Dupe
Character
Spells
Submitted
Every
False
Dupes
Method
Pretence

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Happiness is lost by criticizing it sorrow by accepting it.
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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
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Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.
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DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.
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Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
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One of the greatest of poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of men, and it was not for nothing that he read us this parable. Let us have a little less of hands across the sea, and a little more of that elemental distrust that is the security of nations. War loves to come like a thief in the night professions of eternal amity provide the nigh
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FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.
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REBEL, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.
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NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.
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Don't steal thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.
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LIAR, n. One who tells an unpleasant truth.
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URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, I beg your pardon, and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.
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Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
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A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go.
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JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.
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WINE, n.Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as liquor, sometimes as rum. Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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