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READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in dialect and humor in slang.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Humor
Indiana
Reading
Reads
Stories
Consists
Body
Novels
Country
Rule
General
Sphinx
Short
Slang
Novel
Dialect

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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted.
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PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. A desiccated epigram.
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Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.
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IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.
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MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.
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One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.
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JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.
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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.
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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
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DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.
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PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
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A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master works for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.
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Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure
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MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul in woman, the outlet of the heart.
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The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.
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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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