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READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in dialect and humor in slang.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Sphinx
General
Slang
Short
Dialect
Novel
Indiana
Humor
Reads
Reading
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Stories
Novels
Body
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An archbishop is an ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest.
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TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
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Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
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MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.
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ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.
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PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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Twice – Once too often.
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HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.
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LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.
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MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.
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FOLLY, n. That gift and faculty divine whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man's mind, guides his actions and adorns his life.
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HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.
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prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.
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Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
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Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages, of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered.
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