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READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in dialect and humor in slang.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Body
Novels
Country
Rule
General
Sphinx
Short
Slang
Novel
Dialect
Humor
Indiana
Reading
Reads
Stories
Consists

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For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.
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WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.
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TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
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CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.
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The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
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NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.
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STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.
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Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
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Quill: An instrument of torture yielded by a goose and commonly weilded by as ass.
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To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
Ambrose Bierce
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Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.
Ambrose Bierce
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DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
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PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.
Ambrose Bierce
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REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work upon a book, and so read out of it/ The qualities that you have first read into it.
Ambrose Bierce
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DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.
Ambrose Bierce
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Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure
Ambrose Bierce
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Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.
Ambrose Bierce