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READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in dialect and humor in slang.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Short
Slang
Novel
Dialect
Humor
Indiana
Reading
Reads
Stories
Consists
Body
Novels
Country
Rule
General
Sphinx

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Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.
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When you doubt, abstain.
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DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
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Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
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RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.
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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.
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FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
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You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
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NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
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A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace with which the sovereign admonished his jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the bones of their proponents.
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Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an old man. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an old book.
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ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.
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POVERTY, n. A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the virtues and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a prosperity where they believe these to be unknown.
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SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.
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DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.
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adherent, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.
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Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers.
Ambrose Bierce