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RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Dutch
Keeping
Grass
Garden
Walk
Walks
Freedom
May

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FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs
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REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed.
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While you have a future do not live too much in contemplation of your past: unless you are content to walk backward the mirror is a poor guide.
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Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
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ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.
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That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity
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TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
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ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.
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PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.
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Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.
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Philanthropist, n.: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
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applause, n. The echo of a platitude.
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A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go.
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PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
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ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection.
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MONAD, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter (see Molecule). The monad has body without bulk, and mind without manifestation - containing all the powers and possibilities needful to his evolution into a German philosopher . .
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Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.
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COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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