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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Conscience
Exhort
Religious
Roast
Upon
Spit
Discomfort
Another
Nuts
Affairs
Brown
Affair

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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
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Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.
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LINEN, n. A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp.
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LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.
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LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.
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Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
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OWE, v. To have (and to hold) a debt. The word formerly signified not indebtedness, but possession it meant own, and in the minds of debtors there is still a good deal of confusion between assets and liabilities.
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IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.
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ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (Musca maledicta). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.
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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.
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When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
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PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.
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R.I.P. A careless abbreviation of requiescat in pace, attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than reductus in pulvis.
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NOVEL, n. A short story padded.
Ambrose Bierce
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Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
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International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoldering one
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PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.
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Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
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Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
Ambrose Bierce