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DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Circumstances
Circumstance
Writer
Imperfection
Victuals
Instead
Ladies
Dyspepsia
Virtue
Humour
Jeremiah
Greater
Virtues
Sufferers
Process
Imperfect
Digestion
Science
Wicked
Conversion
Vices
Evolved

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Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
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An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
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Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.
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Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
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PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.
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Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
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Example is better than following it.
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Take not God's name in vain select a time when it will have effect.
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There's no free will, says the philosopher To hang is most unjust. There is no free will, assents the officer We hang because we must.
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RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
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Learning -the kind of ignorance affected by (and affecting) civilized races, as distinguished from ignorance, the sort of learning incurred by savages. See nonsense.
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Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
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