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SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Kindness
Tenderness
Enemy
Composition
Kind
Literary
Imperfect
Expounded
Author
Follies
Folly
Obsolete
Enemies
Satire
Vices
Imperfection

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INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.
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Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.
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FORCE, n. Force is but might, the teacher said p/ That definition's just./ The boy said naught but throught instead,/ Remembering his pounded head:/ Force is not might but must!
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predilection, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.
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CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do me?
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Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
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Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
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PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
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There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself whereas he is a fool then only.
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Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.
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You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
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Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
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Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.
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Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting
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ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul.
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ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.
Ambrose Bierce