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MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
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Vertebrates
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Females
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Civilized
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Young
Animals
Vertebrate

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Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
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OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.
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applause, n. The echo of a platitude.
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REACH, n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to provide.
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PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. A desiccated epigram.
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REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.
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Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- I think that I think, therefore I think that I am as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.
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DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.
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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
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PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous.
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Example is better than following it.
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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.
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ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.
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Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.
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REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction.
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WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.
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PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
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ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.
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THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.
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