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MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Animal
Makes
Home
Genealogical
Monkey
Monkeys
Trees
Tree

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UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
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MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman.
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Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of agricultural implements, should prophesy an end to the tilling of the soil.
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Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.
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I think love is the most unbelievable, and critical, thing in civilization. Everything else is very mechanical and predictable, but love, you can't catch it.
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PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.
Ambrose Bierce
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ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
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You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
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We must stop chasing dollars, stop lying, stop cheating, stop ignoring art, literature, and all the refining agencies and instrumentalities of civilization.
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OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser triumph.
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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
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Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.
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In forgiving an injury be somewhat ceremonious, lest your magnanimity be construed as indifference.
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The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to add another's advantages or possessions to your own you are permitted only to wish to be another.
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X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.
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REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
Ambrose Bierce
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MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
Ambrose Bierce