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MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Monkey
Monkeys
Trees
Tree
Animal
Makes
Home
Genealogical

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RICH, adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the luckless.
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self-esteem, n. An erroneous appraisal.
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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.
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PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians - who are Hogmies.
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According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.
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GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.
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FICKLENESS, n. The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection.
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Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
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MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn.
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REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
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Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.
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MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.
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TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.
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MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul in woman, the outlet of the heart.
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Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.
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SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians.
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LIMB, n. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman.
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