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PIG, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
However
Inferiors
Food
Scope
Animal
Pigs
Race
Closely
Human
Culinary
Vivacity
Humans
Appetite
Allied
Sticks
Splendor
Cooking
Inferior

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IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.
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HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that
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PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.
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Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.
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To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.
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Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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Think twice before you speak to a friend in need
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EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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DISABUSE, v.t. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed advantageous to embrace.
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The place whereon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool.
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APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. The Mad Philosopher, 1697
Ambrose Bierce