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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.

Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce
Born: 1842
Born: June 24
Aphorist
Journalist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Meigs County
Ohio
Dod Grile
William Herman
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Losing
Ought
Animal
Indubitably
Lost
Rapturous
Men
Extermination
Thinking
Overlook
Contemplation
Thinks

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INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
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TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
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ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.
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Kiss. n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for bliss.
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Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death.
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Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.
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He laughs best who laughs least.
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MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.
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KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.
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REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice.
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PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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In theology, the state of a luckless mortal prenatally damned. The doctrine of reprobation was taught by Calvin, whose joy in it was somewhat marred by the sad sincerity of his conviction that although some are foredoomed to perdition, others are predestined to salvation.
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Justice is a commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
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God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.
Ambrose Bierce
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In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.
Ambrose Bierce
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PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.
Ambrose Bierce